Sunday, 30 September 2012

Brighter side of infertility and its journey

All these past months I have been going through this whirlpool of understanding infertility, its causes, and taking the treatments. And all the while I have felt very stressed about it all specially while in the middle of treatment...

Few days back I sat down to think that there has to be something good in all this. And here's few things that I realized has made me a better person through it all:

1. I have learned a lot about gratitude. 
Life is precious, you don't know how long you have.
Be grateful of each day that you get, try to make full use of every moment!

Gratitude about infertility... Sounds very ironical, when all I could feel was bitterness about my inability to become a mother. But this bitterness was not getting me anywhere, it was rather making me more alienated from all the good things. That was when I decided that from now on I will embrace my infertility and learn from it. Feel thankful that I am healthy, can cherish the beauty around me. Grateful of all my blessings.

2. Empathy. Sometimes when you engross yourself in your pain and struggle too much, you fail to notice what people around you are going through. If you look around you, you will notice there are many others who might have gone through worse. It made my suffering much bearable. I realised that if I tried, I could give solace to others also despite my own pain.

3. My love for my husband has gone up a level. He has been extremely supportive all this time. 
Helping me smile. Taking my real bad mood swings & sometimes harsh words in his stride and holding my hand.
And very unlike him, he has learned the art of pampering me :-) Could I have ever imagined him getting me bed-tea !!! Not until we starting walking this path.

On a lighter note:

1. I had been suffering from hair loss for quite some time. And during the times I was on progesterone I realized that my hair loss reduced significantly. So thanks to fertility treatment atleast I still have some hair on my head ;-)
(And yes, a bit of research on internet tells me that progesterone helps stop hair thinning.)

2. Finding ways of staying away from unsolicited advice. I am the kind of person who finds it very hard to say 'No', and the kind of person who finds it hard to be rude to someone even when they are saying things which are hurtful to you. Now when I talk to someone; I have learned the art of weaving a safe topic in my conversation, as soon as I realize the person would very soon bring up the talk of my getting pregnant. I am happily staying away from their advices of meeting Dr 'X' who is a great gynecologist Or starting to eat 'Y' as it supposed helped 'Z' get pregnant!

3. Being lazy guilt free :-) During both my IVF cycles, the two week wait has been the time when I tried to rest as much as I could. Before all this happened, if I took a nap in the afternoon, I would feel very guilty that I have wasted that hour sleeping where I could have done something better with my time. But now I am rid of that guilt, I have spent hours watching some videos / movies without thinking twice that I could possibly do something more constructive :-)

I have found ways of keeping my peace of mind.

Lastly, Believe in yourself, keep the faith. This too shall pass.

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